She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
