i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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