so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
