Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
