At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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