She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
