I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
