we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
