My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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