So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
