My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
