I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's official drugs can't kill me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.