why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.