I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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