Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Less talking, more tequila
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo