masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future