and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..