Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation