there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
