You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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