Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
