let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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