those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
