I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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