What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
