I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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