this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
