I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
