Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
