Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
