omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
