There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
