Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
