she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
