I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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