When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
