You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
