you have to choose: penises or morals?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
