If i come over, it means nothing
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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