i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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