So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
