I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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