i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i believe in u and ur pee
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