bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What a dumb baby whore.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
