So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
