By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
