Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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