He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
