So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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