I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
