Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
