You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
