It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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