i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
