How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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