OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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