last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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