is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
