remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
