Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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