It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
