I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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