I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
