i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
