u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
