he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
