I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
