just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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