I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
