Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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