grandma shit on top of the toilet
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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