So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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