So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
