Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
