I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
