that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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