and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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