you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
