Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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