You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
