Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
