Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
