Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
