I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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