I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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