I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You're like the curious george of whores
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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