You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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