i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
