I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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