you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
